Don't you send me to vm
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Randomize
