im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
