Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
