Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
