I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
