he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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