we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
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We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
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if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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