I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
