That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.