i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
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