At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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