so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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