I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
