Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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