I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
