We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I want to be your penis for a week.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
