high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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