What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
