Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
