Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
