I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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