Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
