Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
