Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize