Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I puked a lego.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
