she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
