my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
