the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
