I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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