dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
