Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
it's great music for shaving your balls
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
