so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
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i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
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Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
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