Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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