Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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