Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
