and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
