At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
