I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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