i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
