i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
