If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
