I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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