Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
