K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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