I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
two words...techno handjob
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
