I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
