he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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