after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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