We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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