Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
