Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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