This dress was meant to end up on your floor
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
