I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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