dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
