I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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