Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
