I hope mine doesn't look like that
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
