You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
