im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
