Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
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And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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