my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Randomize
