she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
