Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
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The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Blood and glitter go together right?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
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Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
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