There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
