well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
