Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
