just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
