I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
