i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
