How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Randomize
