So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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