this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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