I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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