At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
