i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
