I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
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