I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
