Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
operation have a gay friend backfired
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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