Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
